Saturday, 24 October 2015

Storm in a tit cup

Ok so hello Volder-tit. It's not nice to meet you, you wanker.
Dr Boob goes onto explain that although I have a very nasty type of boob rot, that it is survivable if it is contained within boob and surrounding lymph nodes but there are no guarantees and the survival rates are a lot lower than with standard breast rot. 
My first thoughts are my baby that is now at 14 weeks gestation and how on earth this will affect it. He puts his hands up as if at the end of the firing range and says that although he isn't suggesting it, that many women in my boat would consider a termination to allow for certain treatments and tests. Oh balls. I know that's what you dear reader are thinking....how on earth does she make that decision. Well dear person , for me it was bloody easy. No. No thanks. Let's move on.

So the next few weeks are a blur of scans and tests. Heart scenes, baby-avoiding x-Ray's, blood tests, full body MRI to avoid damage to baby. Now this was an interesting one. Have any of you been cremated in a passed life? Well a time that you can actually remember? Well I think I've come close to the experience. The room was bloody boiling and your slid onto a tray and fed into the tightest tunnel ever, head first and told not to move at all. The ceiling is so close that if you were that way inclined you could lick it. Now I'm told that a full body MRI is incredibly rare but I was having one as I'm pregnant and can't have full body x-Ray's. So I was slid up and down a few times as a sausage on a grill is regularly slid in and out from under a grill pan. I feel like I could now map every inch of that bloody chamber (FYI Southmead, your scanner has a little scratch about 4 inches in from the top of the tunnel which if you squint looks like a little rabbit) and that will be fixed in my mind. 
The tit MRI scan was an interesting one too. I led on my tummy and had to flop each of my norks into a little bucket and leave them swinging there for 30 mins. All the while being forced to listen to Terry pissing Wogan. Now that was horrifying to a 32 year old I must say.

Now in all honesty I can say that until I met my Medical Oncologist (for us plebs, that is a chemotherapy Dr) I don't think I truly appreciated the gravity of the situation. 
She has turned out to be the most blunt and a little doom and gloom but actually this works for me. So these are the following things that I learnt from her:
- you are keeping baby which is brave. As a result we can't guarantee from the tests that the cancer hasn't spread to lungs when we get the results
- there are risks of miscarriage and abnormalities to the baby if you have chemo whilst pregnant
- if you postpone chemo until after the baby is born you will die
- there are no guarantees that chemo will work 
- your baby will need to be born early so you can start more aggressive treatment. If you postpone this, you might die
- this will all be extremely hard work and a long process
- you will have 4 rounds of chemo, then a premature baby born around 30 weeks who will need neonatal care for 3 months, you will then have weekly aggressive chemo every week for 3 months, then a mastectomy, then radiotherapy and hormone treatments. You will need to take steroids!!!!!

Bollocks! I'm going to be a bald, fat dribbling mess who may grow a beard!!! This sucks.

- oh and actually if the tests results do show the cancer has spread you will be terminal . Any questions?

15 comments:

  1. Bloody hell. I don't even know what to say. I hope the chemo does work and the cancer doesn't spread. And that your baby is ok! Gosh this is so much x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you Hun. I honestly don't even feel like it's actually happening as its so insane! Xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am in shock. you are one brave woman. keep up the humour... I pray that you get Volder-tit free and enjoy your healthy baby soon. fingers crossed for you :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you so much Hun. Will keep you posted xx

    ReplyDelete
  5. I've been in the same boat as yourself this year, minus the baby, First the misdiagnoses, then the diagnoses, the worst part was the waiting for treatment. I've had the op, the sepsis, the chemo and i've made it to the other side. The only advice i can offer you is stay positive, even if you are greetin' ( i'm scottish!) into a pillow.

    I wish you all the best

    To Patient 0 from patient X

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey, we don't know each other, friend of a friend situ via Facebook! But I've been invited to 'like' this blog just now. And it's not the usual annoying shit invites I get....I just feel a massive urge to tell you how inspiring you are, to add such humour to an unimaginably shit situation is just....I can't even think of the words that you deserve (coz I suck at writing probably!)...but I really hope you and your baby get through this ok. I'm also gonna share the fuck outa this blog coz I wana help you get your big house in the country with quad bikes and cider etc. Best of luck with everything xxx

    ReplyDelete
  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wishing you all the best in your battle against the rot. I've fought a rare, but less aggressive cancer without pregnancy going on at the same time. Stay strong, keep writing, keep fighting xx

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi patient zero!!! Actually I do know you. Although I don't believe we've seen each other since we were very young. I couldn't read your brave, inspiring and hilarious words without commenting. What a load of shit valder-tit has on offer and I'm so sorry to hear about what you and your family are going through. The way your putting this accross is amazing and I do believe that one day, either when you are through this or even before, you will write a book and become rich and famous!!!! If anything I hope this crappy situation has made you realise what an amazing writer and blogger you are!? I know there are many women out there who have been through or are going through very similar experiences and I hope that they can face it with the strength that you are!! Sending you loads of love xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi, I don't know you personally but was invited by a friend of yours to like your page. I was diagnosed with an aggressive form of lymphoma in May 2014. I was happily planning my wedding when I received the really shitty news. Today I am clear (getting close to celebrating my 1st wedding anniversary) and slowly starting to rebuild my life. I absolutely love your positive attitude and straight talking blog. Keep smiling and remain positive but remember it is ok to scream, shout and cry if you want. Stay strong, sending you lots of love xx

    ReplyDelete
  11. Chris Morris shared your link and im so glad he did. What an amazing woman you are. So funny yet getting the point access that volder-tit does exist and she's a bitch. I wish you all the luck in the world and hop you kick arse as well as you have written these blogs. I look forward to reading your book ��

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wow! You deserve to live, girl! Inspirational and brave. Hope to read many and many more stories here. Love your sense of humour even with all the storm you are going through right now. Wish I were your friend to , be honest!good luck!
    Karla

    ReplyDelete
  13. We have a mutual friend and a mutual enemy. You made me smile. Will follow and hope your story (and mine) has a happy ending. I've just had a tit MRI. Nice. Particularly just after a lumpectomy has cut you from nipple to armpit. Natalie x

    ReplyDelete
  14. I am so grateful to the great Dr. Ikhine for curing my herpes disease,for 7 years ago i was having this infection that made me look so horrible, since i have been having this disease i have been in a complete agony weeping everyday, i have gone to several places trying to get a cure but nothing was change, i had to search for solution in the internet, luckily i came across this testimony of how Dr. Ikhine cured a lady from this terrible affection so i decided to contact him through his email address: agbadado@gmail.com, i told him exactly how i was feeling and he assure me that he will help me to get cured from my disease, i believed him and obeyed all his instruction that he gave to me, afterwards he prepare a cure for me and when i received it and started using it just as he has promised me, i was cured totally within 2 weeks of usage. contact him at his email; agbadado@gmail.com or call +2348074089085 or WhatsApp +2348056932230 for quick response...

    ReplyDelete
  15. WHEN ALL HOPES IS LOST MEDICALLY TO THE CURE OF MY HERPES THE ONLY AWAITING SOLUTION I NEVER KNEW IS DR OGUDU SPELL TEMPLE. FOR THOSE WHO ARE STILL SHARING MY PREVIOUS HOPE IN MEDICAL CURE AS A SOLUTION TO YOUR CURE SHOULD STOP SEARCHING AND GO TO DR.OGUDU FOR INSTANT CURE. CONTACT HIM NOW WITH THE FOLLOWING DETAILS

    Email [OGUDUSPELLTEMPLE@YAHOO.COM] OR [OGUDUSPELLCAST@GMAIL.COM]
    whatsapp number +2348106058254
    WEBSITE-----http://oguduspelltemple.webs.com/
    BLOGGER PAGE........http://drogudu.blogspot.com.ng/

    Am COREY ANN from URUGUAY i was suffering from genital herpes, oral herpes, shingles. Before i came in contact with dr.ogudu
    It is no longer news that the Acquired immune deficiency syndrome Herpes Virus is increasing by the day, The fear is that many people living with the sickness are scared of saying it because of the stigma that comes along with it.I am bold enough among many others to state that there is now a potent cure to this sickness but many are unaware of it.I discovered that I was infected with the virus 3 months ago, after a medical check-up. My doctor told me and I was shocked, confused and felt like my world has crumbled. I was dying slowly due to the announcement of my medical practitioner but he assured me that I could leave a normal life if I took my medications, In a bid to look for a lasting solution to my predicament, I sought for solutions from the voodoo world. I went online and searched for every powerful trado-medical practitioner that I could severe, because I heard that the African Voodoo Priests had a cure to the Herpes syndrome. It was after a little time searching the web that I came across one Dr.Ogudu website who offered to help me, He gave me some steps to follow and I meticulously carried out all his instructions. Two days ago to be precise, I went back to the hospital to conduct another test and to my amazement, the results showed that " I am NEGATIVE" You can free yourself of this Herpes virus by consulting this great African Voodoo Priest via this

    Email [OGUDUSPELLTEMPLE@YAHOO.COM] OR [OGUDUSPELLCAST@GMAIL.COM]
    whatsapp number +2348106058254
    WEBSITE-----http://oguduspelltemple.webs.com/
    BLOGGER PAGE........http://drogudu.blogspot.com.ng/

    ReplyDelete